"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
