As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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