He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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