I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
