where am i from again
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
