tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
