Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Randomize