y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
