new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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