no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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