I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
