i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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