i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
