My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
how does that bad decision feel?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
