I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Your dad touched me again.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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