I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
