He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
