i think my mom watched the whole time
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i now understand why vodka
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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