he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
