My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
