We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
