if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
