Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
