Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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