Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
