No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize