she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
