she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
