I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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