I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
