a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
