I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
