Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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