actually, I'm a sock model
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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