he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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