I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
