Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
