How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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