I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
