I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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