cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
