half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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