I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize