between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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