Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
