You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
