Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
