lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize