false alarm. still invincible.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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