It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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