day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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