youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
