I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
