lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
