how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
