hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize