he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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