Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
