WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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