ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
