So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
