you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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