You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
