No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
