oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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