I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just want nice things and good sex
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
