What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
