1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
