That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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