when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
