SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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