Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
