I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
