Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
