This is not my ceiling
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
