Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
