Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
