You just made me feel so damn special
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
