peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Randomize
