That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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