Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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