I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
