i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
