i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
