Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I am spending my child support on dildos
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
