If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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