Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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