Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The air was thick with penises
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
