Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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