if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
