I could make wine with my vomit
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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