I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize