Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
