Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
