i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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