so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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