She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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