I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
