Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
