after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
