I seem to have left my pride at pride
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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