the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
