I intend to get homeless drunk
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
