I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
