Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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