The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize