the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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