where does the pee come out of this thing
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I wish there were birth control emojis
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
