I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
