North Korea, Best Korea!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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