She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
