I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
