I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
