dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize