Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
